I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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