All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
