why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
