the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
