Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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