Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
