Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
