Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
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Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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