My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
