ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
