somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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