just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
