Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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