A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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