Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
