My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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