took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
