I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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