I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
