hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
