You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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