and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
