my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
