Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
