Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
