9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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