the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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