I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize