I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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