So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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