how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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