$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
