Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
