so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
