Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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