She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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