Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
