don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize