I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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