It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
