3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
