my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.