for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?