I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian