so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
