Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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