Cold hands, warm shart.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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