I've blown a few things in my day
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
