Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?