Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
