i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They have beer where we have blood.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after