I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The beer is more important than you right now.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.