I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.