paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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