oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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