So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
