I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
