it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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