if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
