What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
