i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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