ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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