It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i believe in u and ur pee
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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