We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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