Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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