Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
