Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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