I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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