he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
