How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
