i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Found your dick twin last night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
