walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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