Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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