M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
