Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
