The brown eye won't let me do that either.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
