what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
