fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize