I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
