and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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