i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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